This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Monday, 1 April 2013

Darkins denies the existence of light

Professor Richard Darkins has launched another scathing attack on those "gullible" folk who believe in the existence of light.

Richard Darkins

Richard Darkins - refuses to walk in the light.

Darkins is well-known for his books written in Braille, such as The watchmaker with no disability and The Light Delusion. These books insist that light does not exist, because if it did he would be able to see it. Darkins is prepared to remain open-minded on the existence of the sun. "Sometimes it gets quite hot, I can feel that," he said, "but no rational person believes that there is such a thing as 'light.'"

Sun worship

A "vile and bigoted" sun-worshipper.

The good professor set up the Richard Darkins Foundation for Reason and Science, in order to propagate his ideas that light does not exist. One sect that he has particularly attacked is the Lunatics - fanatical believers in the light of the moon, who use the crescent as their symbol. Two days ago, the RDFRS website was hacked by lunatics, and the general view was that it was a great improvement.


Mrs Darkins with Richard's guide-dog, K9.

Darkins's views are not universally accepted, and many people ridicule his aphosist stance. A few years ago he was slightly injured when trying to drive a bus round London, bearing the message "Light probably does not exist": after going strongly for half a mile, he then crashed into a lamp-post.

We spoke to Francisco Bergoglio, a retired chemist who now holds an administrative position in Rome. "Darkins means well," he said, "but he doesn't have a sound academic background in logic and reasoning, and he does tend to get confused. He sends me hate messages, because some of my staff like singing songs such as Newman's 'Lead, kindly, Light.' He tells me that a belief in light is responsible for everything that's wrong in the world."


A totally pointless "light" house.


  1. I can see I shall get into trubble wiv dis one, as some fool will claim I'm mocking blind poeple. Dat's not de point at all.

  2. Yes - Shakespeare had that problem when he wrote King Lear. And Dawkins, with The Blind Watchmaker.

    And Jesus, for curing the blind man, thus positing the view that blind people might want to be anything other than differently abled.

  3. Dat's very kind of you to help de blind bird watcher - can't be easy doing that when you can't see xx Jess

  4. I guess that Dawkins Fellow simply doesn't want anyone or anything to shine, Jesus, shine -- I bet the curmudgeonly old spoilsport must absolutely HATE this beautiful song of great praise :

    I am a lighthouse
    Graham Kendrick

    I AM A LIGHTHOUSE, a shining and bright house,
    Out in the waves of a stormy sea.
    The oil of the Spirit keeps my l burning;
    Jesus, my Lord, is the light in me.
    And when people see the good things that I do,
    They'll give praises to God who has sent us Jesus.
    We'll send out a lifeboat of love and forgiveness
    And give them a hand to get in.

    While the storm is raging, whoosh, whoosh,
    And the wind is blowing, ooo, ooo,
    And the waves are crashing,
    Crash! crash! crash! crash!

    Still, at least I suppose it's nice to see Dawkins setting his ... er, ... sights ... upon the Jehovah's Witnesses for a change.