This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Thursday, 27 June 2013

Scandal in the Vatican

Tonight, thanks to Michael "Vortex" Voris, we can report on a scandal that is set to rock the Vatican to its foundations.

Pope reading a letter

Pope Francis receives a shocking letter.

It seems (says Voris) that Pope Francis has received a letter from a deacon in good standing, alleging that one of his cardinals blogs under the name of "Eccles", and as such has been making fun of atheists, liberal Catholics and Damian Thompson.

Damian Thompson and custard

Damian Thompson visits the California State Museum of Custard.

The news that the infamous Eccles could have infiltrated the Vatican naturally brought great distress to Pope Francis; it caused him to miss a Beethoven concert while he summoned an emergency meeting of his most trusted advisers (Father John Zuhlsdorf and Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O'Connor) to resolve the situation.

Cardinal Eccles

Have you seen this man?

As the search for the intruder continues, Eccles is finding it harder to cover his tracks.

Traces of Eccles

Further evidence that Eccles has infiltrated the Vatican.

However, the mischief of "Cardinal" Eccles is not limited to the writing of blogs. Tablet staff were enraged to learn that copies of their newspaper had been found burning in one of the Vatican apartments.

Burning Tablet

Tabula est comburenda!

Said a Tablet spokesman: "We can live with rumours of gay orgies and satanic rituals - indeed, nobody enjoys that sort of thing more than I do - but burning the immortal words of Catherine Popehater is a bridge too far."

So the search for Eccles continues. I'm Michael Voris, thank you for reading.

Michael Voris lookalike

The Costa Blanca Michael Voris lookalike competition (3rd prize).


  1. Speaking as a witch in good standing (inside a chalk pentacle and well away from satanists who are frankly a tad rad trad for me), I would just warn all concerned that this does rather remind me of the situation at the time of King Tirian of Narnia, and if a strange Calormene invites you into an Augean stable to meet Cardinal Tash, it is probably wise to switch the lights on, jump on a table and shout "I'm a Catholic" - or so the nuns used to say.

  2. Highlights from the finals of the 2013 Costa Blanca Michael Voris Lookalike Competition can be seen here

    PS Why is the third donkey wearing a veil? She had just returned from a Muslim gay wedding.

  3. So now we know why that Monsignor was carting bags of cash out of IOR…

    It was to prop up The Tablet whose subscriptions are going up in smoke!

    Was this the ‘smoke of Satan’ Pope Paul VI referred to?

    …just asking.

  4. There are, to the best of my knowledge, two possible visitors from Lanchester, Durham. I am one of them.

  5. Michael Voris has now unearthed the biggest Vatican scandal of all: equine entryism, just like Militant in the Labour Party in the 1980s, but with big horse like animals.

  6. I might account for some of the visits from Rome, as I've been reading a bit ever since my blog was so generously linked, thinking that I would link back as soon as I came to some understanding of what I was reading.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. Br Charles

      This blog is for those seeking spiritaul nuorishment, and a chance to criticise the great evils which have so far burrowed into the New World Order, that people refusing to live according to the politically correct edicts of the Culture of Death are marginalised and persecuted.

      There are quite a few Religious here, though not necessarily posting under their public names, to avoid being stalked by pests in good standing from A Call to Faction

  7. The question I always have to ask myself - is Voris good enough?