This is me, Eccles

This is me, Eccles
This is me, Eccles

Wednesday 26 June 2013

Henry VIII explains his breach with Rome

New historical evidence has emerged, explaining the reasons behind King Henry VIII's breach with Rome in the 1530s, which led ultimately to the Anglican church we know today.

Henry VIII

Henry VIII - wanted to liberalize the Church.

"We have our own vision for the Anglican church," says King Henry in a previously unpublished document. "A church where women may become vicars, and dance in the aisle at weddings. A church where people like Archbishop Cranmer will be welcomed into our rooms in the morning to tell us that we are bigots if we let not a man wed another man."

Cranmer and Toynbee

Archbishop Cranmer (in papal camauro) shares a joke with Toynbee, the court jester.

Meanwhile, in Rome, Pope Paul III is also anxious to shock traditionalists. He is said to be planning a Council of Trent, which will turn orthodox Catholicism on its head. "We need to decide whether God is calling us to introduce liturgical dancing, puppet masses and homilies about 'my holiday in Paris'. I get regular letters in green ink from a very keen young man called Monsignor Basil Brushtus; he is urging us to drop Latin, and he has some most original ideas on how the Mass should be celebrated. But I've suggested that we come back to that in a few years time."

Basil Loftus

Monsignor Basil Brushtus - too revolutionary even for Pope Paul III.

"That is encouraging, but it does not go far enough," responds King Henry. "As King I am also ex officio Director of Liturgy round here, and I want to ensure that my song Greensleeves is used regularly at Mass. It is easily adapted to religious use:

Green! Green! Green are the sleeves!
Green! Green! Green are the sleeves!
Green! Green! Green are the sleeves!
Green are the sleeves of the Lord!
Greensleeves

A one, a two, a one two three four... Green! Green! Green are the sleeves!

It is clear that these documents will force us to revise our views on the Reformation, and they will keep David Starkey in business for many years to come. Unfortunately.

12 comments:

  1. Is Mgr Brushus the author of Foxes Boke of Martyrs?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Sir,

    Why haven't you told us if Pope Francis has sacked everyone in Italy? Every other Catholic blogger has a theory about it. I come here to be properly informed. I do not visit this blog in order to be subjected to pictures of leering homosexual lutenists or photos of a gurning Giles Fraser in a Santa hat.

    Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry, bruvver rabit, I aint got any inside informatoin. When I knows somefink I will tell you.

      Delete
    2. If this blogger-nobody from Canada can get reliable stuff, why can't you, Eccles? I thought you had at least twenty cradinals reading your blog. What you need to do is find an underground car park in Trastevere and see what Deep Throat in Good Standing turns up.

      http://torontotlmserving.blogspot.com.es/2013/06/breaking-pope-francis-summons-emergency.html

      Delete
  3. I suspect this entire post is intended to preach to Archdruid Eileen about the difference between breaches and breeches. Indeed a short memorable sentence involving a breach in Henry's breeches leading to the establishment of the C of E would be in order, though a trifle smug - and not particularly spiritaully nuorishing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This blogg is known for its grate spellin, Jaddis.

      Delete
    2. 7 years. One typo. I ask you.

      Delete
  4. I'm surprised Arnold Toynbee is still alive? Did he have an operation? He looks a bit different to how I last saw him.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Eccles. This posting borders on Anglophobia. Good.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Darling eccles, another scoop - Henry VIII was acting in the spirit of Vatican II - de Dame will be cross xx Jess

    ReplyDelete
  7. send me you email via comments at blog--do not tell Anne Boleyn.

    ReplyDelete